


Circolo Vizioso

by serapheim



Series: 30 Kisses [8]
Category: DBSK|Tohoshinki|TVXQ, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Angst, Bromance, Epic Bromance, Epic Friendship, F/M, Gen, Heartbreak, Jaejoong is an angel, M/M, Sleeping Together, Sleeping around, Unrequited Love, Vicious Circle, Yoochun is a not a saint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-27
Updated: 2013-05-27
Packaged: 2017-12-13 04:47:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/820140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serapheim/pseuds/serapheim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yoochun would date a girl, break up and seek the comfort in Jaejoong's embrace.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Circolo Vizioso

**Author's Note:**

> 30 kisses challenge, #22; cradle. “Circolo Vizioso” means “Vicious Circle” in Italian (yes, I do have a tendency to come up with titles in Italian and Latin - don’t ask me why).

Every next time it was much easier. He learned to notice the signs of the inevitable breakup long before the words were spoken. He learned to school his face in an unreadable mask and not to succumb to pleadings or useless ‘why’s. He learned to simply nod and walk away. He learned to keep it all inside and not spilling his heartache to anybody. He learned to cope.   
  
At first he used to believe it was for forever. He used to think, that this time it was the person he was looking for. The only one. But every time he got burnt, his hopes crashed, and suddenly he felt all alone, abandoned and unloved. And every time he thought that it was the end, that he wouldn’t survive this pain, that he would break.   
  
But human’s heart is a strange little thing, so every time he survived.   
  
Every other time it was a bit harder. A bit harder to open up, to make himself trust again, to believe in a fairy tale once again. Sometimes he was overcome with gloom, and despair lurked in the corners of his eyes and in his too loud laughter. But he learned to disguise it well, and nobody seemed to notice.   
  
Except for Jaejoong. The elder boy seemed to be able to read Yoochun like an open book. Every time the younger boy would come home late, smelling of stale smoke and desperation, Jaejoong would hug him silently. And at night he would let Yoochun crawl into his bed, seeking the comfort in his friend’s welcoming embrace. Jaejoong never asked questions, never offered trite words of consolation. He just was being himself and was there for him. And never let go.   
  
It was such an easy solution, such an obvious way out, but Yoochun didn’t even let himself consider it as an option. Every time in the gentle embrace he only allowed himself to enjoy it  this much, probably a bit more than he should, breathe in the familiar smell of the other’s skin a bit more often, and cling to the warm body tighter. All those traitorous thoughts Yoochun kept locked in the depths of his mind, letting none of them out. But he could hardly suppress the shivers which ran down his spine, when Jaejoong rubbed his back soothingly, or prevent his heart from beating fast, when the elder boy placed a gentle kiss to the top of his head.   
  
Yoochun kept dating every willing girl, kept breaking up with them, kept feeling heartbroken and betrayed. He wanted never to run out of excuses to be in Jaejoong’s bed. It was some kind of their personal secret, something which they didn’t share with others. It made him feel as if they were close, as if they belonged to each other.   
  
And then suddenly it was over. Jaejoong had his own love affair to care about. And the younger boy felt like an intruder. And he could no longer enjoy the silent warmth they shared. It felt worse than it had ever felt before. Yoochun felt alone and abandoned, as if he was the one being dumped. He felt betrayed, as if there had been anything to betray. But they had never been together to begin with.   
  
It was expected. It was understandable. It was natural. And it hurt too much.   
  
But Yoochun had long learned to school his face in an unreadable mask and not succumb to pleadings or useless ‘why’s. He learned to simply nod and walk away. He learned to keep it all inside and not spilling his heartache to everybody. He learned to cope.   
  
And cope he did.   
  
*****  
Written: April 11, 2006  
Revised: May 27, 2013


End file.
